Many years ago, I had the opportunity of taking my daughter to
Sacramento Ballet's production of The
Nutcracker. It was, in a word, magical.
But there have been several moments where that word would describe the
experiences I’ve had in my lifetime. Usually those moments are around special
times of the year – holidays, birthdays, parties – or special moments which
have been caught in the webs of my memories…such as the morning fog rolling
into San Francisco, staring up at the shimmering sunlight through the leaves/needles of
giant redwoods at Calaveras Big Trees, standing at the top a Mayan temple with a bird’s eye view of
the Yucatecan jungle below, hiking in the majestic Rocky Mountains, or gazing
up at the star-studded skies during the Perseids.
I’ve had a weakness since childhood…and no, it’s not coffee
(since I was a Mormon thirty years of my life, that rules that out). It involves people, places and things. It involves doing
the things I love – music and writing. It involves cause and effect. It
involves faith and belief.
I dream too big.
I know I’m not alone. There are many I know who suffer from
the same weakness. I’ve always been a
dreamer, an idea factory. It’s my dad’s fault, really. There were countless
mornings where he and I would sit at the breakfast table, and he’d start the
conversation by saying, “You know what
they ought to make/invent/do?” He
would describe his vision, and I would add on to it by inserting, “Yeah! And then they should do this/that…”
We’d go back and forth, conversing in excitement, never really defining who
“they” are, but the wheels in our heads would start turning and whir away at
creating the “invention du jour”. Short of actually coming up with blueprints
and patent applications, we would dream big together…then off to school I would
go, off to work he would go. Breakfasts with my dad. Magical.
This problem I’ve had of dreaming big was also my mother’s
fault. She would buy record albums of classical music, and I would spend hours
listening to Edvard Grieg’s Peer Gynt
Suite, or Mendlessohn’s A Midsummer’s
Night Dream”, or Beethoven’s Pastoral
Symphony. I would dream up a dance routine, like I was a fairy in a
forest…or I would dream up a story based upon the music, listening to every
note and instrument while writing pages and pages of tales and legends. Magical.
It was also my sister’s fault. For my eighth birthday, she
bought me the entire set of J.R.R. Tolkein’s Lord of the Rings and The
Silmarillion. I devoured them up in my room, in the hammock under the
crabapple tree in the backyard, in my own little hidden “reading spot” that I
had made for myself in a cluster of trees across the irrigation canal behind
the cul-de-sac. I would run away to Middle Earth and dream about hobbits,
elves, dwarves and dragons. Magical.
It was my brother’s fault, too. Spontaneous, daring,
mischievous…he would convince me to get out of my nice warm bed on the mornings
of the first huge dump of Wyoming ’s
Winter snow, and we would bundle up, grab our sleds and toboggans for a full day
of sledding. We were usually the first ones to our usual sledding spot, and I
would watch as friends and neighborhood kids would gather, my brother greeting
each one as if they were brothers and sisters. He was usually the first one to
forge the first sledding trail, and I would watch him as he had “a method” of
doing it right. In the Summer time we would sometimes play hooky from our
chores and run off to the swimming hole, or ride our bikes to the
creamery. “One of these days, we’re gonna get in trouble,” I’d say. With a
smile and a twinkle in his eye, he’d simply say, “I love you, Toots…quit worrying!” and off he’d go on the next
adventure, with my reluctant self not so very far behind. Magical.
In truth, I really have no one to blame but myself for my
weakness. As an adult, I’ve had to learn over the years that dreaming too big,
having an open mind, the lending of ideas and possibilities…is something that
isn't so freely accepted. I had to learn that there are people, places and things
in this world that don’t allow dreams to be or become bigger than they are. Traditions,
beliefs, laws, commandments, leaders, organizations, governments, social
classes, monetary systems, etc., all have become idolatrous icons to be bowed
to in fear – dragons that cannot be slain, kings that must control and rule. To
some extent, I still do have that fear of “getting into trouble”, yet in my
mind, I still run away and relive the magical moments that shape my big dreams
and ideas, refusing to believe in the gods and idols that would tell me what is
and isn’t, or what should or shouldn’t be. I’ve been in countless meetings with
people, leaders, boards and committees where I would be excited to share plans
and ideas, only to be met with condescending silence, or any number of reasons
(excuses, more like) as to why it could not be done. The power of the gods and
idols “that be” can be very discouraging for a big dreamer like me.
2013 was a very difficult year. Visits to hospitals, our home
burglarized, car troubles, financial strains, family divisions and strife,
being rejected by those once thought of as friends. A lot is said about God
during Christmas and other religious holidays throughout the year, as well as
in times of triumph or trouble. But I can’t seem to find God and his (its?) “will”
in all the confusion of the gods and idols that we all obediently bow down to
in fear. I see zealots in every
religion, but especially this time of year, Christians believe that Jesus was
born and died to save the world. Yet, sometimes I can’t help but look around at
“the world” and think, “Wow. What an epic
fail.” There are many religions that
include in their faith, the wish for love, joy and peace on earth, goodwill
towards all. Yet as I see bombings, economic disasters, murders, thievery,
prejudice, hate, greed, hypocrisy and intolerance, I can’t help but think, “Wow. Obviously, there are a lot of ideas
and beliefs that haven’t worked...and apparently, they still don’t.”
I didn’t have the Internet, an iPhone, a laptop, Xbox when I
was a kid. We didn’t have a big screen TV…hell, my parents didn’t even have a
dishwasher or a microwave until we all moved out of the house! There was no
such thing as Anime; the cartoons I watched are now considered “classic”. There
were no 3D/Imax movies. I couldn’t “Google” or “Wiki” everything to copy and
paste into my homework. I learned to play the piano on an actual piano, there were no synthesizers or
recording software, no “pitch correction” software/microphones to make me sound
like I could sing well. There were no blogs to create online newspapers, no
Facebook or Twitter.
The human race has been through such a brutal evolvement
spawned by religion, politics, technology, war and greed…how is anyone expected
to dream at all, let alone dream big?
How is anyone supposed to believe in God, when words, whether written as scripture,
spoken on the air waves, or at the pulpit – reek of hypocrisy? How is anyone
supposed to truly celebrate any holiday that has been systemized and
corporatized? What gods, idols and beliefs have all but squelched the hope of
love and peace on Earth? Does what you believe make the world a better place?
Has it? So how can people caught in such an evolvement discontinue such a ghastly
path of destruction?
I’ll tell you how. By dreaming bigger. By creating and inventing bigger. By not living in fear and defeat, but by being spontaneous and
adventurous enough to take the risks to be bigger
than the people and systems that would control us. By envisioning a “Middle
Earth” that truly could conquer those who feed upon their own greed of power. By
shedding the blinders that cause us to judge each other out of ignorance, by forgiving
those who just might end up being friends that would dream as big as you.
What if everyone could sit down together at a Thanksgiving
table, a Christmas dinner table, an Easter table, a July 4th
barbecue…or even a simple breakfast table…and have a lively discussion,
starting with the words: “You know what we
ought to make/invent/do?” Whether
you’re Christian, Mormon, Muslim, Jewish, Amish, Hindu, Buddhist, Pagan, or even an
atheist, you never know…dreaming big could be the start of something that could
make the entire world, well…magical.
Carol Harper
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